It’s Halloween night in 1963 and the police are called to a quiet family home in Haddonfield to find that 15-year-old Judith Myers has been stabbed to death by her 6-year-old brother, Michael. Fifteen years later, on the night before Halloween, Michael escapes from the psychiatric institution where he was being held and heads back to his old hometown to pick up the killing spree where he left off. What an awesome premise for a horror movie! It’s little wonder that Halloween became such an iconic addition to the genre.
Apart from sealing Jamie Lee Curtis’s place as a horror movie queen, the success of Halloween inspired a spate of sequels and similar-styled films, some of which were not too bad and some which were downright awful. Here’s a look at some of the worst offenders, that tried and failed miserably to replicate that creepy John Carpenter classic.
10 ‘Alone in the Dark’ (1982)
Directed by Jack Sholder
A lunatic asylum, escaped patients, young teens stabbed and strangled after a gratuitous sex scene, a killer in a white mask; it all sounds very familiar. There are numerous other similarities between Halloween and Alone in the Dark, including the venerable Donald Pleasence, but in this instance his character, like the movie itself, is just unnecessarily weird. The storyline is pretty basic: Dr Bain (Pleasence) is overseeing the transfer of a group of maximum-security patients to new-to-town psychiatrist, Dr Potter (Dwight Schultz) when an unexpected power cut gives them an opportunity to escape and wreak havoc.
“The most shocking thing about this movie is that the filmmakers managed to attract some hugely talented actors to join the cast…”
The motivation driving the group of psycho killers is where things get a little flimsy. Their reason for invading Dr. Potter’s home and terrorizing his family is that they believe, without any shred of evidence or supporting plot, that he killed their former doctor. It’s no wonder their murderous efforts were so lack uster. The most shocking thing about this movie is that the filmmakers managed to attract some hugely talented actors to join the cast, including Jack Palance and Martin Landau, which is its one saving grace.
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9 ‘Trick’ (2019)
Directed by Patrick Lussier
While playing a game at a Halloween costume party, high school senior Patrick ‘Trick’ Weaver (Thom Niemann) attacks and murders several classmates. While attempting to escape, Weaver is shot five times and falls through a window and by the time Sheriff Lisa Jayne (Ellen Adair) and Detective Mike Denver (Omar Epps) make it downstairs, his body has vanished. Sounds a lot like the ending of another movie that needs no mention and surprise, the killer comes back every Halloween.
“..full of plot holes and some parts of the story are just nonsensical.”
Trick starts out promising and has plenty of gory kills for the slasher movie fans, but it’s full of plot holes and some parts of the story are just nonsensical. Releasing the movie just before Halloween was a smart marketing move, but unfortunately, it’s a lot more trick than treat.
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8 ‘Valentine’ (2001)
Directed by Jamie Blanks
Halloween is now Valentine’s Day and a cheap, but definitely more terrifying William Shatner mask has been switched out for creepy Cupid, but young women are still being savagely murdered by some ghost of the past. The only thing missing here is any semblance of mystery or suspense, with a killer that’s so easy to see coming, they may as well have worn a sign reading ‘It was me’ and the lame attempt at a twist ending is obviously just an easy set up for a potential sequel.
The movie Valentine is supposedly loosely based on the novel by Tom Savage, but the book has significantly more thrills to offer. The real crime here was killing a good story with cliché and attempting to cover it up with pretty people. With so many great Valentine’s Day horror movies to choose from, giving this one a miss would be no big loss.
7 ‘Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan’ (2006)
Directed by Rob Hedden
There’s no denying if there was no Halloween, there probably wouldn’t be any Friday the 13th, but in fairness, the franchise has produced several really entertaining gems and built its own loyal fandom. But this stinker deserves a mention here because it is a blight on both houses. After being accidentally woken from his watery grave, Jason Voorhees (Kane Hodder) stows away aboard a ship full of high school graduates headed to Manhattan and proceeds to hack up unwitting victims before pursuing them through the streets of New York.
Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan had the worst box office figures of all the others in the franchise and deservedly so. Apart from a good chuckle when Jason scares the bejesus out of a few street punks by revealing his face behind the mask, this film offers little in the way of entertainment value. The plot is shallower than a puddle and about as scary as a box full of kittens.
6 ‘Halloween: Resurrection’ (2002)
Directed by Rick Rosenthal
Twenty years after the first film in the franchise was released, Halloween H20 put an end to Michael Myers once and for all, nicely closing off what was starting to become a tiresome tale. But, the money machine that is Hollywood couldn’t resist having another crack at it with this abomination of a horror that should have been left dead and buried. Laurie Strode (Curtis) makes an appearance in the opening of the movie, but is quickly dispatched in favor of a bunch of fame-hungry teens taking part in a DangerTainment reality show hosted by Freddie Harris (Busta Rhymes) by spending a night in Myers’ (Brad Loree) childhood home.
Sequels are rarely as good as the originals, particular when it comes to horror, and that’s fine as long as they meet certain expectations like staying true to the story and characters, which, Halloween: Resurrection, as the worst in the franchise, sadly does not. The film reeks of the desperation of trying to appeal to a younger audience, which just made it obnoxious and annoying.
5 ‘Prom Night’ (2008)
Directed by Nelson McCormick
After killing her family, a deranged high-school teacher (Johnathon Schaech) escapes from a maximum security prison, years later, to come back for the young girl (Brittany Snow) he was infatuated with. Sounds really promising and even has a hint of the unnatural obsession Michael Myers had with Laurie and the killers share a penchant for the same butcher-knife murder weapon. But any fan of Halloween or horror movies in general would be well advised to steer clear of this PG-13 disaster.
It’s an absolute travesty that thousands of fantastic indie horror flicks struggle to get any big screen time while Sony Pictures spends $20 million on this cliché-ridden, totally predictable pile of garbage. Those who do try to seek out this movie will hopefully stumble across the same-titled Prom Night from 1980, which is a considerably better way for any horror fan worth their salt to spend their time.
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4 ‘Dark Ride’ (2006)
Directed by Craig Singer
Psychopath Jonah (Dave Warden) brutally murders two teenage girls and is locked away in a mental institution. Ten years later, he escapes and, total shocker, returns to his old killing ground, which in this case is an old amusement park attraction called ‘Dark Ride‘. A group of six friends on a road trip happen upon a flyer about the ride reopening and, for some unknown reason, feel compelled to check it out.
“Horror fans would be better off watching a good episode of
Scooby-Doo
.”
A haunted amusement park suggests a campy horror movie, but to give Dark Ride this tag would be an insult to others in the genre. The film is poorly conceived, looks very amateurish and offers little in the way of any kind of amusement. Horror fans would be better off watching a good episode of Scooby-Doo.
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3 ‘Sorority House Massacre’ (1986)
Directed by Carol Frank
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When Beth (Angela O’Neill) was a little girl, she hid in the basement while her brother carved up the rest of the family, which led to him being committed to an asylum. Years later, Beth goes to college and joins a sorority and, in quite a stretch of the imagination, due to a repressed memory, she doesn’t remember that the sorority house was in fact her childhood home. Lo and behold, her brother escapes and heads home to finish the job.
Sorority House Massacre is trying so desperately to be Halloween, it’s not funny, but sadly, it doesn’t even come close. No one expects a good slasher movie to be a cinematic masterpiece, but there at least has to be some substance, whether it’s a terrifying killer, a compelling plot or even the odd jump scare, but this movie misses the mark on every level.
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2 ‘The Pumpkin Karver’ (2006)
Directed by Robert Mann
Many low-budget movies have been absolute blockbusters, so there is no excuse for subjecting unwitting horror fans to the train wreck that is Pumpkin Karver. On Halloween night, Jonathan Starks (Michael Zara) stabs and kills a man in a pumpkin mask who is attacking his sister Lynn (Amy Webber), who turns out to be her boyfriend playing a prank. A year later, after moving to a new town, the brother and sister are hunted by a mysterious killer in a pumpkin mask.
Spelling the word carver with a K does not make the movie any scarier; a lesson that should have been learned from Killer Klowns from Outer Space. At least the ridiculousness of the characters in the latter is justified because they’re clowns in Pumpkin Karver, it just makes them extremely annoying.
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1 ‘The Last Slumber Party’ (1988)
Directed by Stephen Tyler
In the words of the promoters, Chris (Jan Jensen), Tracy (Nancy Meyer) and Linda (Joann Whitley) are three high school teens ‘dying for a good time’, but anyone foolish enough to subject themselves to this disaster of movie will get the exact opposite. Not even an escaped scalpel wielding homicidal maniac is able to liven up this bizarre snoozefest and just leaves viewers wishing he’d hurry up and finish the job.
“The Last Slumber Party
can’t even be justified in the ‘so bad they’re good’ horror movie ranks, it’s just plain bad.”
The Last Slumber Party can’t even be justified in the ‘so bad they’re good’ horror movie ranks, it’s just plain bad. The movie was released on Blu-ray earlier this year and the cover even boasts ‘lifted scenes from Halloween’, which is the worst insult to any horror franchise ever.
