Ever since the Housewife formerly (currently?) known as Monica Garcia blew up the fourth season finale in one of the finest episodes of reality television, period, The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City was left in an unenviable position.
How in the hell do you follow that up? Apparently, not with an Emmy nomination, Television Academy.
But for season 5, the girls of RHOSLC just wanna have fun. And that means a cartoonishly chic Housewife, a couple new “friends of the cast,” a fallout between noted acquaintances Mary Cosby and Meredith Marks, and a lunch date of eight Lisa Barlow doppelgängers. Not to mention, of course, the dulcet tones of their nonstop fighting.
Grab your skis — we’re hitting the rocky slopes of The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City season 5!
Salt Lake is, by far, the campiest of the Housewives franchises. For proof, look no further than Lisa Barlow straddling a snowmobile like she’s auditioning for a Whitesnake video.
RHOSLC came relatively late to the Bravo party, arriving fully formed when the franchise formula had already been perfected, and drunkenly slurred its way into the hearts of millions from its very first episode. What’s happened since then, both onscreen and off — as the show has completely blurred the lines between the two like no other — has been a wild ride involving an FBI sting, accusations of running a cult, and an internet troll All About Eve‘ing her way onto the show.
So season 5 knows where its bread is buttered and they’re doubling down on the camp. From the first moments of the trailer, we’ve got some callbacks to last season’s shenanigans: Lisa Barlow sucking down a 64-ounce Big Gulp, Meredith Marks finding her light in yet another bathtub, and Heather Gay dutifully checking her receipts. Deadpool & Wolverine could learn a thing or two about fan service from these ladies.
That lighthearted tone, however, takes a sharp left once we get into the real meat of the season, with Heather’s disembodied voice yelling at someone, “Never in a million years, after everything that we’ve been through, did I think that you would reach out to our sworn enemy!”
At this point, they have a couple of sworn enemies. Maybe it was Monica Garcia, last season’s undisputed villain who infiltrated their friend group after secretly running an Instagram page that dragged them on the regular? Or maybe Jen Shah, the bullying ex-Housewife who gave Heather a black eye and is currently incarcerated for wire fraud? Is there another sworn enemy crawling out of the woodwork?
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Meanwhile, one of the ladies is apparently recording the ‘wives, which, for a reality show, shouldn’t be that big a deal. This is RHOSLC, however, and Heather discussing why she thinks there’s a clandestine recording device — while on camera while wearing a mic — by explaining that she watches a lot of television is a clear-cut example of another brick falling out of that fourth wall.
And it’s not long before we’re introduced to the particular brand of hell that is eight Lisa Barlows, as the ladies don dark wigs and perfect their vocal fry in celebration of the self-proclaimed Queen of Sundance.
In terms of casting, we’ve got two big stories: Mary Cosby is back as a full-time Housewife and that means she’s actually participating in events, including a zip-line, which leaves Mary literally eating dirt. That’s a long way from her eating fast food in a Sprinter van last season while everyone else was out partying at the club. And then there’s new Housewife, Bronwyn Newport, a successful Broadway producer and fashion influencer who’s giving Mary a run for her sartorial money.
Mama is out in these freezing Salt Lake streets, catwalking in a two-piece and a bubble coat, with nary a care in the world. This gal knows what she’s doing, and Heather even drops that classic reality show villain line, “Bronwyn is not here to make friends.” Good, we don’t need friends, we need fashion.
Joining Bronwyn on the slopes are “friends” Meili Workman — a model, wife, and mother — and Britani Bateman — an actress, model, singer, and mother. What will they bring to the table? Hopefully, a glass to throw in someone’s face.
Aside from the usual Housewives arguments — stories not adding up, coming for a fellow mother’s parenting skills, accusing someone of not being a good friend lately — Mary and Meredith, once thick as…melted Jell-O, or something, have a major fallout, leading to Mary kicking Meredith out of her house during a dinner party. Of all the alleged friendships to come apart, this one took longer than expected.
Will this season reach the heights, or depths (depending on how you look at it) of season 4? Of course not. But, hey, if Mary Cosby is willing to eat dirt, anything is possible.
The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City season 5 premieres Wednesday, Sept. 18, at 9 p.m. ET/PT on Bravo and streaming the next day on Peacock.